Misadventures in Stockholm

Saturday, I went to Stockholm with a friend.
In the Uppsala train station, where there are no signs nor explanations of which train to board, there was a very normal looking woman. If you ignored the two dolls in her arms and the doll-sized coffin strapped to her back.
Walking three minutes from the train station, we found city hall, which is a gorgeous red brick building right on the water. I was in love!
We walked around the palace and gamla stan (old town) and it was very charming. A native of Stockholm had suggested a place to eat in gamla stan and we awkwardly ate lunch with two breastfeeding women in the room.
While walking through the doorway to leave, a man shoved me out of his way. I soon felt no anger towards him, as I realized his bike with all his belongings was being stolen. Olivia and I watched as he chased down and tackled the guy, throwing him to the ground and cursing him as the man slunk off into an alleyway.
Walking around and shopping, we were swamped in a crowd so thick you couldn't see the street!
Finally, we made our way back to the train station, and went to a McDonalds to find a free bathroom. I stood outside while Olivia powdered her nose because the lock had broken. An old man walked up and I explained to him that someone was inside, and he began to punch a code into a small keypad next to the door. Once again I told him someone was inside and he pulled the door open anyway. I threw my hand against the door but unfortunately Olivia had been slightly exposed. All of McDonalds was privy to her scream.

Pizza-Paj

Pizza is pretty popular in sweden- at the ever popular kebab stands (not kebabs like chunks of meat and veggies on skewers but a plate of lettuce/cucumber/tomato/thinly sliced meat/weird sauce) found frozen in grocery store aisles, and there are a few pizza places around uppsala, and even in flogsta. But the toppings may be slightly different. Banana, for instance, is pretty popular. Seafood on top is pretty popular. there is no 'peperoni.' there are kebab pizzas, which has the thinly sliced meat and the cucumber and the tomatoes on top. Why did this come up? I bought a 'Bolognese' pizza without parsing the ingredients: ham, tomatoes, ground meat, cheese, and onion. interesting.
secondly- Paj. (Pie). It's offered at every cafe as a main course: pie is really kishe. It will also have anything in it, including salmon. Fish (or the appetizing fish-paste) can go on just about anything here.
Food confuses me, and in all honesty--- i miss pokey sticks.

Sweet Tooth

Candy is EVERYWHERE here. Not just candy bars or prepackaged stuff, but the entire rows of bins of candy with their respective shovels- in the grocery stores, in tobacco stores, in newspaper stands, in convenience stores, and there are even a plethera of stores entirely devoted to candy!
Beyond that, ice cream is terribly popular. There's ice cream in most fast food places- and I don't mean the little soft serve machine we are used to seeing in McDonalds, I mean entire baskin-robbin style set ups with many very wonderful flavors (including champagne truffle). There are a ton of different ice cream brands and flavors in the super markets, as well. I tried Violet flavored ice cream. It, unsurprisingly, tasted like flowers.
Desserts take on an entirely different meaning here, as well. Any cafe you step into will have a wide variety of hand-made desserts from that morning.
Yum.

Holy...

When entering a foreign country for an extended period of time, it's not necessary to learn the language. However, looking at a few basic pronunciation lessons might be advised.
Domkyrkan is the name of the magnificent cathedral within Uppsala.
KY in swedish is pronounced like our 'sh.'
i hadn't realized that.
to pronounce kyrkan with the strong K sound and not the SH sound makes a new word: slang for cock.
so instead of saying holy church to my professors, history department head, and the nice old lady who runs a cafe I frequent, I have been saying 'holy cock.'

Holy cock, indeed.

Stay Away From Marie-Ana

One thing I have found that Swedes are more conservative about than Americans: Marijuana.

I was given a very long very incoherent lecture by a drunk corridor mate about how getting drunk is very acceptable but Marie-Ana (J's are pronounced as y's or a's) is not. I am to stay away from Marie-Ana because it is Illegal here.
It's 'illegal' in the States, he explained to me, but in Sweden it's REALLY illegal.
Marijuana is actually viewed with the same stigma that cocaine or heroin has in the States. I don't know if anyone else remember's DARE in elementary school, but I remember hearing about evil tobacco companies and how one beer will make you pregnant.
Here, students talked to me about how marijuana is addictive and causes permanent brain damage after one use.
When I explained how we see Marijuana as fairly harmless in the States, and talked about how easy it is to get marijuana, the Swedes on my floor were Terrified!
Finally, I found ONE thing that the States is more lenient about!
Victory.

A Cure For All Ills

In the Apoteket (Pharmacy), a friend of mine found herself rather shocked when next to the pads and tampons she found... Vibrators!
That's right, the pharmacy sells dildos and vibrators.
Whereas in America, a few southern states either recently had or still have laws making the sale of vibrators illegal or very restricted.
Well done, Sweden.
Though in Texas it is legal to carry a handgun on your person, it is illegal to have a vibrator. Tell me, how have more people died? Vibrator accidents? They thought the safety was on?
Right.
We'd rather kill each other than be sexually satisfied.
There's something wrong here.

Partying.

It's exactly the same here.
Except more expensive.
I've become almost hermit-like at night because here Everyone can drink and Everyone wants to drink.
Alcohol, listen. I know you are friends with a lot of my friends, and that's fine. But you need to back off a little. You aren't dating them, they should be able to hang out with me and not have you tag along. Okay?
Okay.